Shred of Hope
by AgentRez
Summary: Post s6 JackAudrey story. Spoilers for season 6 finale.
1. Chapter 1

_This takes place immediately following the season 6 finale. It's sort of a reworking of my other story, Escape from Within, to make it sync up with the finale. This part is completely new, and later chapters may borrow some lines from the other fic. I wrote this to try to keep Jack/Audrey fans, myself included, from getting too discouraged. As I said in my other post, they left the door at least slightly open, and we have until January to make the story go any way we want. So don't lose your creative muses! Reviews appreciated, as always._

Heller sits there for a minute just staring at his daughter, unsure of what to do. He can't stand the thought of letting his daughter get reattached to Jack only to lose him again. But at the same time, he doesn't know how much she remembers, and he can't stand the thought of her waking up and asking for Jack and having to tell her that Jack is gone forever. He knows if he lets Jack go now they may never be able to find him again. He stands there and contemplates for a few moments, then goes into Audrey's room and kisses her on the head.

"I'll be right back, Audie," he says gently, then walks outside. He is horrified when he sees Jack on the other side of the fence, way too close to the ocean for his comfort. He opens his mouth to yell but stops himself, not wanting to startle Jack and make him lose his balance. Instead, he cautiously approaches.

"Jack, what the hell are you doing?" he asks as he gets close.

"Mr. Secretary, step away. I don't want to shoot you but I will."

"No you won't, Jack. You can threaten me all you want, but the bottom line is, you love my daughter too much to take me away from her. So why don't you cut the BS and try to think rationally for a second?"

Jack doesn't respond.

"Come on, Jack, just come back on the other side of this fence and we'll talk."

"About what? How I ruined Audrey's life? Believe me, there's nothing you can tell me that I don't already know." Jack's tone then changes from defiance to the verge of tears. "And I wish I had never come into her life as much as you do sir...I'd give anything to take away all of the pain I've caused her, but I can't."

"Jack..."

"Mr. Secretary, spare me the bullshit. I know you feel the same way so don't try to argue with me."

"I won't, Jack, but I think Audrey would. As much pain as she's been through, I don't think she'd take back a minute of the time the two of you spent together. I didn't know about your relationship at the time...you and Audrey made sure of that. But looking back, I can't remember a time I'd ever seen her so happy since before her mother died."

"As much as I'd like to go back to those days, you were right before when you said I can't. And maybe I should try to move on and start over but I can't...I don't want to...I don't have the heart. When I was in China, thinking about Audrey was the only thing that got me through it...the hope, as faint as it was, that we'd be together again was the only thing that gave me the strength to face each day. Without her, I don't have anything left, and I just can't do this anymore. So please, just back away and let me go," Jack pleads.

"I can't do that, Jack."

"Why not, sir? You said it yourself...Audrey would be better off without me. This way you won't have to worry about me coming around anymore and putting her in danger."

"Because I can't stand the thought of her waking up and asking for you and having to tell her that you're gone for good...especially if I have to tell her it was by choice. She would never forgive me if I let you do this. And I know you don't owe me anything, but I don't think you want her to have to hear that anymore than I do."

Jack pauses, contemplating for a moment. Heller continues, "I heard you say that you hope one day she'll forgive you for your decision, and I think she would forgive you, if she ever becomes cognizant enough to understand. But I know that if you jump off that cliff, even if she does forgive you, she'll never forgive herself. It doesn't matter that she's drugged up with a heavy duty sedative and doesn't have a clue what's going on right now. If you jump, for the rest of her life, she's going to blame herself for not stopping you. Come on, Jack. Don't leave her with that kind of a burden."

There is a pause for a minute as Jack mulls everything over. "Come on, Jack. I'll help you back over the fence." Heller extends an arm for Jack to lean on.

"And then what?"

"And then we'll figure it out. As much as I would like to keep Audrey safe and prevent her from getting hurt, g-d willing it's not going to be my decision forever. And I need to know that if she wakes up asking for you I'll be able to find you."

"With all due respect, sir, you can't have your cake and eat it too. If you want me out of your daughter's life I'll go, but you can't just retract that decision down the road. I can't keep promising her I'm going to be there and then having to walk away."

"You're right, Jack, that's not fair. I tell you what. It's been a long day and I don't think either of us is thinking rationally at this point. You've been awake for g-d knows how many hours, and I've been so emotional since I found out she was alive that I don't think I'm thinking clearly either. Why don't you sleep on it and give me some time to think and tomorrow morning we'll sit down and talk and decide together what we think is best for her? If we decide that you should walk away, then I'll let you go and whatever you decide to do is up to you. And if we decide you should be around, then we'll figure out a way to make it work. For Audrey's sake, will you agree to that much?"

Jack sits there for a moment, then nods slowly, fighting back tears. "Yes, sir," he says softly.

"Thank you, Jack," Heller says sincerely. He extends an arm for Jack to latch onto, helping him climb over the gate. "You did the right thing." He squeezes Jack's shoulder reassuringly.

"Come on, let's go inside." Jack looks at him questioningly. "Old friends of ours were nice enough to lend us their summer home until she's ready to travel back to Washington, and there's plenty of room here. I'm staying in the room across from where Audrey is so I can hear if she wakes up. You can stay in the master bedroom down the hall."

"I can go to a hotel, sir," Jack responds.

"At this hour? Come on, with the state you're in, I'd feel more comfortable if just stayed here. The sedative they gave Audrey when we left CTU should last for quite a while, so you don't have to worry about her waking up and getting confused, although if you do decide to walk away I think you owe her the courtesy of explaining it to her when she's awake."

Jack hesitates.

"Come on, Jack, it's alright. Just come inside and get some sleep."

Too tired and emotionally drained to argue, Jack nods and hesitantly follows Heller into the house. He pauses when they pass by Audrey's bedroom and looks in at her, his eyes filling with tears.

"Why don't you go give her a kiss goodnight?" Heller suggests.

Jack hesitates.

"She's so drugged right now, I doubt she'll even remember," her father encourages. Jack nods and tiptoes into the room, planting a soft kiss on Audrey's forehead.

"No matter what happens, I want you to know how much I love you," he whispers. Audrey doesn't respond. Jack didn't expect her to, but all he wants is some kind of a sign from her that she needs him, and he knows it will give him the courage to stay by her side no matter what her father wants. He stares at Audrey for another few moments with tears in his eyes, then leaves the room and follows Heller down the hall.

He enters his room, and Heller shows him where the bathroom is and retrieves some blankets from the closet.

"If you want anything to eat, just help yourself to anything in the kitchen," Heller tells him. Jack nods.

"Thank you, sir," Jack says, and they both know he is saying thank you for more than just a place to sleep for the night.

Heller nods and pats Jack on the shoulder. "It'll be alright, son," Heller says gently. "One way or another, we'll all get through this."

"Yeah," Jack says softly, somehow feeling a tiny shred of hope in spite of everything. No matter how hard and painful his life is at the moment, Jack is beginning to believe that he'll get through it somehow. And despite how hopeless she seemed, Jack believes that somehow Audrey will pull through too.


	2. Chapter 2

**FIVE HOURS LATER**

"Jack, have a seat," Heller greets him as he lingers at the entrance to the kitchen.

"The sedative they gave Audrey should start to wear off soon, so I figured I'd make her favorite french toast and see if I can get her to eat some. Maybe a familiar smell when she wakes up will help a little bit."

"Is this the famous french toast with raisin bread and apples on top?"

Heller looks surprised. "Yeah...I didn't know it was famous."

Jack smiles. "Audrey talked about it a lot. You making breakfast was one of her favorite memories growing up."

Heller can't help but smile. "I'm not getting my hopes up that she's going to eat it, but it's worth a try. Sit down, you can see for yourself if it's as good as Audrey built it up to be."

Jack hesitates for a moment, but does as he is told.

A few minutes later, Heller comes over and hands him a plate.

"I have to say, it lives up to its reputation," Jack says. Heller smiles. They sit there for a minute enjoying the french toast, until Jack breaks the awkward silence.

"Mr. Secretary, I just want to begin by apologizing for the way I acted last night. I had no right to come charging in here making those accusations...you were right, I wasn't thinking clearly."

"I said some pretty harsh things myself, Jack. What I said about your wife was way below the belt and I'm sorry."

"Thank you," Jack says softly.

Another awkward pause.

"Listen, Jack, I want to begin by saying that I know how much you love her, and I know that you would never intentionally do anything to hurt her. I also know that you're a father, and I assume you can understand where I'm coming from."

"Yes, sir. As angry as I was last night, I can't imagine I would have reacted too much differently if my daughter were in Audrey's shoes."

"You don't need to prove to me that you want what's best for her and not just what's best for you. You already proved that last night when you were willing to walk away."

"We both want what's best for her, sir."

"You're right. The problem is, I'm not sure I know anymore what that is. A few months ago, I got a call that my daughter had been killed and my whole world collapsed," Heller explains, his voice starting to crack. "All I could think about was my failure to protect her...when I first found out she was alive last night, all I could think about was keeping her safe, and making sure I never lost her again."

"So why didn't you just let me go?"

"Because she wouldn't have wanted me to. She would never forgive me if she knew I pushed you away...if there's one thing the past three years should have taught me, it's that she would never be happy without you. All of the things that used to matter to her...her career, her friends, her ambitions...none of that mattered to her after Bill Buchanan told her you had been killed three years ago. When I saw you standing near the water and you said you had nothing else to live for, it struck me that Audrey felt the same way both times you disappeared. She tried to kill herself, Jack."

"I...I didn't know that," Jack says softly, looking devastated.

"A few months after you staged your death. She couldn't forgive herself for the way she treated you...she had been having nightmares after we were abducted by terrorists, so the doctor prescribed some sleeping pills. One night she just took a whole bunch of them, hoping she would never wake up. After that I became so protective, to the point where last night, I became so obsessed with protecting her from any possibility of getting hurt again that I didn't stop to think about what she would want. I want to see her safe but I also want to see her happy...she's been a shell of herself the last three years, Jack, and if you leave now, I think she's going to be that empty shell for the rest of her life even if she comes out of this state. I can't do that to her, Jack. I'm not going to push you away. But you need to decide for yourself if you can handle this, and you need to decide now. Like you said last night, it's not fair to come back into her life only to disappear again. So I need to know whether I can count on you, and it's going to take more than just your word to prove that to me."

"What do you mean?"

"I want you to be examined physically and psychologically, to make sure that nothing that happened to you in China is going to put you in jeopardy."

"Understood."

"I want you to give me the gun you brought last night and any others you may have stashed."

"Sir..."

"I know what you're going to say, Jack. That you need the gun to protect Audrey. I know that anyone with a career as long as yours doing what you did has probably left you with some enemies, and I'm not saying it's not a good idea for you to have a way to protect yourself and my daughter. But I need to know that you can learn to be secure without having a gun on you at all times before I can trust that you're ready to move away from dangerous field missions and settle down."

"Fair enough. Is there anything else?"

"Yeah. I want you to agree to undergo counseling on a regular basis. And I don't want to hear any objections about how you're fine...you've been through a traumatic ordeal for the past two years, and if you think you're fine after that there's something wrong with you."

"I'm not going to argue, sir. I've never felt particularly comfortable sharing my feelings with a stranger, but if that's what it takes to reassure you that I can take care of Audrey I'll do it. Maybe it'll do me some good...who knows?"

Heller smiles sympathetically, surprised at Jack's lack of resistance.

"I need you to take things slow with her, Jack, not just physically but emotionally as well. I can't let her become too dependent on you until I'm sure that you can handle it. So I am going to keep her in my custody for a while, until she starts to show some signs of improvement and I feel more comfortable letting go. She stays here with me until we go back to DC, and I would prefer that you stay here as well, but it's up to you. When we go back to Washington we can figure out what the best arrangement is based on the circumstances at the time."

"Understood," Jack says softly.

"I'm putting a lot on you, Jack. It's not going to be easy to start over and rebuild your life. It's not going to be easy to open up and try to work through your feelings, and it's going to be next to impossible to quelch your instincts should you find yourself in a situation where someone needs your help and that help involves putting yourself in danger. And I respect you for that more than you could ever know, but I can't watch my daughter lose you again. So I need you to think this all over before you give me an answer."

"I understand, sir. And I can't promise that I'll be able to change overnight, or that I'll ever be able to completely put the past behind me. I can't promise that there aren't people out there who would still like to see me dead, and I can't say with certainty that being with me won't ever put Audrey in danger. But I can promise...I can promise that I would sacrifice anything and everything, including my own life, to protect her. I can promise to love her and to try as hard as I possibly can to take care of her."

Jack begins to tear up. "I wish I could tell you that I wasn't scared, that I wasn't afraid of hurting her or putting her in danger again but I can't...the truth is, I'm terrified...I can't stand the thought of putting her through any more pain...I don't want to hurt her again...I just want to take care of her...I don't want to hurt her anymore..." Jack trails off, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks.

Heller watches Jack with a heartbroken look. He didn't say it last night when he should have, but he came to care about Jack like a son long ago, and he realizes that he still cares despite all the pain his daughter has suffered. He goes over to Jack and squeezes his shoulder. "It's not your fault, son," he says firmly. "It's not your fault."

Jack doesn't believe Heller, but he appreciates him saying it nonetheless. "Thank you, sir," he says through tears. "Thank you."

They stay like that for a minute, until they hear whimpering coming from down the hall.


	3. Chapter 3

"Go take care of her, sir," Jack says, trying to get his tears under control.

Heller looks at Jack as if he is waiting for an answer.

"I don't want her to know I'm here...not yet...I don't want her to see me like this," Jack insists.

Heller nods and goes down the hall to tend to Audrey, carrying a plate of french toast. Jack goes back into his room and closes the door, fighting to get his emotions in check.

Heller walks into Audrey's room and sees her thrashing around, mumbling to herself and looking terrified.

"Audie, sweetie, it's alright. You're safe now," he reassures her as he sits down on the bed next to her.

"Dad?" she asks softly. Heller smiles, relieved.

"Yeah, it's me, sweetheart. I'm right here. You're safe now...you were just having a bad dream."

She stares around for a minute and then stares at her father, trying to make sense of everything and figure out what's real and what was a dream. After a minute, her eyes tear up and her expression changes.

"Get away from me!" she orders.

Heller recoils, surprised but not completely shocked. "Audie, calm down. I'm not going to hurt you," he promises.

She just shakes her head and pushes away his hand when he tries to hold hers. He gets up quickly to show his daughter that he will respect her wishes.

"Alright, I'm going to give you your space. I know you were angry with me when you left, and I guess it was wishful thinking to hope that you wouldn't still be angry. I don't blame you if you don't want to see me. I just hope you'll talk to me again when you're ready. There's french toast for you if you're hungry," he says as he leaves, motioning to the plate on her nightstand.

He leaves the room, looking back at her with a heartbroken expression, then goes down the hall and knocks on Jack's door.

"Come in," Jack yells, the tears having subsided by now. "How's Audrey?" he asks when Heller comes in.

Heller sighs. "It's hard to say. She knows who I am now but she won't let me near her."

"I don't understand...did the Chinese tell her you abandoned her?"

"That may be part of it, but it's not all of it."

"What do you mean?"

Heller sighs, then sits down in the desk chair. "Sit down, Jack," he says heavily. Jack sits down on the bed.

Heller takes a deep breath and then continues. "The truth is, Audrey and I weren't on the best of terms before she left for China. She was angry at me for not doing more to find you, and then we got into a huge argument before she left. I was desperate to talk her out of going because I knew it would be dangerous, and I couldn't just sit by and watch her put her life in danger. So I tried everything to talk her out of it, including trying to convince her that you wouldn't want her."

Jack looks crushed.

"It was a terrible thing to do but I just wanted to protect her."

"What did you say to her?" Jack asks, on the verge of tears. Heller sighs.

"I told her to think about what you would say if you found out she'd been whoring herself for information for the last year," he admits.

"I...I don't understand," Jack says, his heart starting to race as he prays that it's not what he thinks it is.

"Before she found out you were in China, she had a number of theories as to where you were. She began getting in touch with contacts she had at DOD and beyond, using back channels to try to find out what happened to you. She was determined to get information from whereever she could get it no matter what she had to do to get it. I don't know who if anyone she got involved with but rumors fly pretty fast in a town like Washington, and the way she reacted told me that I hit a nerve. She told me that she hated me and she never wanted to see me again and I don't blame her...I was foolish to think that time would have changed her mind."

Jack looks away, struggling to process.

"Listen, Jack, I don't blame you if you're angry at me, but I beg you, do not get angry at Audrey. Whatever she did she did because she loves you, and she was willing to do anything to get you back even if it meant compromising her dignity and putting herself in danger."

Jack wipes his eyes and struggles to keep from breaking down again. "I'm not angry at Audrey...I'm just angry. I can't stand the thought of what she had to go through before China, and the thought of what they put her through makes me sick to my stomach. You were right before...everything she's suffered is my fault."

"No it's not, Jack. I blamed you last night because I was too ashamed to take responsibility for my failings as a father. You're not the one who failed to protect her. You're not the one who sat back and did nothing while she was tortured in a Chinese prison."

"I don't understand...you knew she was alive?"

"No, of course not. But I should have known. I never should have believed what I was told...I should have asked more questions and insisted on an investigation."

"Sir, the Chinese went to great lengths to make it look like she was dead...I doubt there's anything you could have done."

"Maybe. But if I had only pushed harder for the government to get you out of China before I left office, she never would have had to go over there in the first place. You were right with what you said last night, Jack. I didn't try as hard as I could have. And it's not because I didn't care about you, or because I was worried about my political career. Hell, I would have sacrificed my career in a heartbeat if I could have made my daughter happy by getting you home safely. But I couldn't bring myself to use my political and military resources to try to find you because I was so afraid that they were going to find out that you were dead. I knew that as long as your fate was unknown Audrey still had a reason to hope...if I found out you were dead it would shatter that hope. And she hung onto that hope, and she never stopped looking. By the time she found out you were in China, I only had a month left in office, and I knew there wasn't much a lame duck president could do diplomatically. So I tried hiring a covert team to try to extract you off the books...unfortunately, the Chinese got wind of it and made them a better offer."

"You're the one who sent those men?" Jack asks. Heller nods. "There are only a handful of people in the world who know that and I need you to keep it that way," he says sternly.

Jack nods. "Of course."

"Listen, Jack, I know Audrey, and I know that I can't force her to talk to me until she's ready, if she's ever ready. And I don't expect you to do my bidding for me, but I am asking you to decide now if you're up for taking care of her. I need you to make sure that you still feel the same way about her after what I just told you, and if you do, you need to make sure she knows that. She needs someone she can trust, and right now I can't be that person. So I need to know if I can count on you to take care of her and help her get through this."

Jack contemplates for a moment, weighing everything Heller has said to him over the past 12 hours. Finally, he looks up and nods slowly. "Yes, sir," he says.

Heller looks relieved and grateful. "I'm going to make arrangements for someone to come help you with her, because with the state she's in it's too much for any one person. I'm going to give you a credit card that I want you to use for whatever the two of you need. And if you would be so kind as to let me know how she's doing every now and then...and make sure she knows how much I love her," Heller says, tears beginning to fall. "Just take good care of her, Jack. Please take good care of her."

"Wait," Jack says as Heller turns to go. "Let me see if I can talk to her...before you go let me try to get her to talk to you."

"I don't want you to push her, Jack. If my presence is going to upset her then she's better off without me. I just want to know that she'll be taken care of."

"She will be, sir, but she needs you as much as she needs me. We just have to give her a little time. Please, just let me see if I can get through to her."

"Alright, I'll wait here. But don't push her...as much as I would like her to forgive me, my top priority is for her to be happy and to feel safe. I don't want you to do anything or say anything that will jeopardize her trust, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," Jack promises. Heller nods gratefully, watching with a heavy look as Jack goes down the hall to Audrey's bedroom. 


End file.
